January 9
Its just been one of those days.
It just seems like a lot of things have come together ,in the past few days, to make life feel very complicated; to the point where even when good things happen, it doesn't really seem to register. We finally bought a house on Thursday, and I'm really excited about it, but my anxiety about it didn't go away at all when we found out our bid had been accepted. I make new friends or hang out with people I'm interested in, and bad things just seem to happen right when things are seemingly good. Still no job in sight, and funds are running low. I feel like I'm being hit with a case of cosmic indifference. And its so frustrating for me, that I'll get upset at the littlest things, or be bitchy with people who are just trying to get to know me. As if it weren't bad enough that I'm unconsciously trying to push people away, I find it taking a large amount of will to not actively push people away. So that's been the past couple of weeks, just gotten worse in the past few days.
I've been asking myself, what exactly am I looking for in a companion right now? I think it basically comes down to that I'm looking for someone open minded and understanding enough that they'll be willing to look past my stress related problems and give me the chance to show the real me. Someone without hard expectations on how things should go. I'm basically trying to operate under the golden dating rule of "I'll give you a chance and try and work around your quirks, if you'll do the same for me". Am I looking for a serious relationship right now, or something more casual? I don't really know. I'm really looking more for someone who when I'm with them I can let go of my stress and just enjoy life, and wherever it goes, so be it.
It just seems like a lot of things have come together ,in the past few days, to make life feel very complicated; to the point where even when good things happen, it doesn't really seem to register. We finally bought a house on Thursday, and I'm really excited about it, but my anxiety about it didn't go away at all when we found out our bid had been accepted. I make new friends or hang out with people I'm interested in, and bad things just seem to happen right when things are seemingly good. Still no job in sight, and funds are running low. I feel like I'm being hit with a case of cosmic indifference. And its so frustrating for me, that I'll get upset at the littlest things, or be bitchy with people who are just trying to get to know me. As if it weren't bad enough that I'm unconsciously trying to push people away, I find it taking a large amount of will to not actively push people away. So that's been the past couple of weeks, just gotten worse in the past few days.
I've been asking myself, what exactly am I looking for in a companion right now? I think it basically comes down to that I'm looking for someone open minded and understanding enough that they'll be willing to look past my stress related problems and give me the chance to show the real me. Someone without hard expectations on how things should go. I'm basically trying to operate under the golden dating rule of "I'll give you a chance and try and work around your quirks, if you'll do the same for me". Am I looking for a serious relationship right now, or something more casual? I don't really know. I'm really looking more for someone who when I'm with them I can let go of my stress and just enjoy life, and wherever it goes, so be it.
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