Interesting Book
(Warning: Neurotic Jewish content follows)
I just read a great short autobiography titled Confessions of a "Feygele-Boichik". As the title implies its about a gay jewish man coming to grips and harmonizing his two social identities. He's so honest about his experiences you can't help but get drawn into his story. But what really jumped out at me was a passage in the introduction:
Like Jews who assimilate, we learn to "pass" as heterosexual--dressing the part, omitting a lover's gender from conversation, or refraining from public displays of affection. Passing hurts not only ourselves but also the Jewish communities in which we live, which don't reap the benefits of our authentic participation.
When the burden of passing becomes too great, lesbian and gay Jews find the courage to come out. Indeed, this is such a central part of our experience that coming-out stories have assumed the role of sacred text in lesbian and gay culture. For Jews, and for lesbians and gay men, visibility is our key to finding each other, to building community, and to challenging myths and streotypes about our people.
(Twice Blessed, C.Balka & A.Rose, 1989)
The plight of gay Jews resonates so strongly with what the larger Jewish community has been facing for thousands of years, you can't help but make the comparison. Both reading about it and seeing it first hand, it is so sadly ironic that such a historically oppressed community inflicts the behavior of their oppressors upon members of their own group. While it is rarely as extreme as in the Ultra-Orthodox community where parents will often say Kaddish for their gay child, its not unusual to hear of experiences of gay Jews being encouraged to "be quiet" about their identity in order to maintain "community unity". Even more insidious is the use of Jewish guilt parents will use on their children, banging into them how heartbroken they would if their heterosexual dreams of a family for their children were dashed on the rocks. Instead of being a source of strength for their sons/daughters, as Jewish parents typically are, they become a source for self-imposed guilt and shame over a secret they are too scared to name.
Now I know there are exceptions to this, and I hope in fact that it is not the norm. I'm sure many jewish homes foster an environment in which their children feel they can be themselves. And certainly after the initial shock of coming out, who hasn't heard the stereotype of the gay jewish man with his over-protective mother ;). But being of the Jewish community, one shouldn't even have to look for the exceptions, it should simply be. After following Torah, two of the most important tenants of Judaism are practicing gmilut chassidim and tikkun olam. Not to be too condescending, but we were directed to be as a light among nations. While many Jews are at the forefront of fighting for the rights and fair treatment of the oppressed, be they racial minorities, economically disadvantaged, or cultural minorities, the greater community needs to look inwardly and do some soul searching.
I just read a great short autobiography titled Confessions of a "Feygele-Boichik". As the title implies its about a gay jewish man coming to grips and harmonizing his two social identities. He's so honest about his experiences you can't help but get drawn into his story. But what really jumped out at me was a passage in the introduction:
Like Jews who assimilate, we learn to "pass" as heterosexual--dressing the part, omitting a lover's gender from conversation, or refraining from public displays of affection. Passing hurts not only ourselves but also the Jewish communities in which we live, which don't reap the benefits of our authentic participation.
When the burden of passing becomes too great, lesbian and gay Jews find the courage to come out. Indeed, this is such a central part of our experience that coming-out stories have assumed the role of sacred text in lesbian and gay culture. For Jews, and for lesbians and gay men, visibility is our key to finding each other, to building community, and to challenging myths and streotypes about our people.
(Twice Blessed, C.Balka & A.Rose, 1989)
The plight of gay Jews resonates so strongly with what the larger Jewish community has been facing for thousands of years, you can't help but make the comparison. Both reading about it and seeing it first hand, it is so sadly ironic that such a historically oppressed community inflicts the behavior of their oppressors upon members of their own group. While it is rarely as extreme as in the Ultra-Orthodox community where parents will often say Kaddish for their gay child, its not unusual to hear of experiences of gay Jews being encouraged to "be quiet" about their identity in order to maintain "community unity". Even more insidious is the use of Jewish guilt parents will use on their children, banging into them how heartbroken they would if their heterosexual dreams of a family for their children were dashed on the rocks. Instead of being a source of strength for their sons/daughters, as Jewish parents typically are, they become a source for self-imposed guilt and shame over a secret they are too scared to name.
Now I know there are exceptions to this, and I hope in fact that it is not the norm. I'm sure many jewish homes foster an environment in which their children feel they can be themselves. And certainly after the initial shock of coming out, who hasn't heard the stereotype of the gay jewish man with his over-protective mother ;). But being of the Jewish community, one shouldn't even have to look for the exceptions, it should simply be. After following Torah, two of the most important tenants of Judaism are practicing gmilut chassidim and tikkun olam. Not to be too condescending, but we were directed to be as a light among nations. While many Jews are at the forefront of fighting for the rights and fair treatment of the oppressed, be they racial minorities, economically disadvantaged, or cultural minorities, the greater community needs to look inwardly and do some soul searching.
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