July 26

Just got back last night from spending the weekend down in San Diego.  Spent most of my time packing up my house and putting everything in storage (Justin and Rachel, you guys rock, thanks for all the help), but also got to have some quality time with a few  friends I've really been missing.   And what better way to end a long day then getting drunk at an Irish pub with good friends? =)  Wish I could have stayed longer, but I guess some time is better than nothing.   Looking to be a long week, as I have finals coming up on Thursday.

San Diego

I'm driving down to San Diego tomorrow morning to finish packing up my stuff and put it all in storage.  Shouldn't be too stressful, except I have to drive back Sunday, as I have a test Monday morning.  But it'll give me a chance to see a few good friends, which will be really nice after being gone a month.  Hopefully will get a little snorkeling in, but who knows.

Sick Fucks link of the day:
Christian Family Coalition

July 19

7/20 Clarification: This isn't an angry/perturbed entry, just me contemplating things, so don't take things too  seriously =)
 
 The other day I was talking to a friend of mine while she was looking through some of my new pictures.  She ran across a photo of another friend of mine that I used to have a crush on, and made the comment, "you could do better than that...no offense."  And I didn't really take offense, but for some reason that I couldn't really place, the comment bothered me and has been tickling my brain ever since. 
    What does it mean to do better, or worse, when it comes to your heart/mind/animal nature finding someone appealing as a potential mate?  More specifically what contextual frame(s) is this better/worse scale coming from? This person's looks and how others view them? Their social attractability and how entertaining they are? Their intellegence and how successful they are in life?  How good they are in bed? Or is it how you feel inside when you're apart and think about them,  how you feel when you seem them again;  the way just being around them sometimes puts a big stupid grin on your face? Their ability and desire to push away the loneliness and feeling of singularity inherent to human nature, even if just for a few precious exquisite moments?
     I don't really know the answers to all those questions, and I think at this point in my life it'd be presumptuous of me to boil down the complexities of a person and a relationship I might have with them as being "better" or worse" than some standard. And it seems, not that I haven't been guilty of it, somewhat conceited of us to try and judge another person's love interest as being better or worse (with the obvious exceptions of a sleaze ball, domestic abuser, drug addict, etc).  I'm not saying this as a criticism of my friend, but more as a comment on the human need to contrast gray zones, that we don't really understand, into black and white, good and bad, etc.  If you want more evidence of this, just look at our current Resident in Chief Bush.
   I mean, wouldn't life be so much easier if everything were black and white? if you could meet someone and immediately mark them with a check or X as dating material? Maybe, but what fun would that be? Afterall half the fun of a journey is getting there, and the prize hard gotten always seems sweeter. But enough cliche sayings. I guess what it boils down to is that to me, it somehow seems like I'm betraying someone's trust when I try to condense their being into a blip on some qualitative scale.  Anyway, enough rambling for tonight...

July 17

I'd forgotten how much I missed going to the gym regularly.  I had a good routine going for awhile, but all my engineering labs this past year put it on hold.  Finally gotten back into a 5-6 day/week routine that seems to be working fairly well. Great stress reliever after my daily 2 hour medieval european history colloquium. And hopefully will get me up to speed for the 60 mile backpack trip I want to do in September. :-)

The Hobo

And he sits beside the fountain, with his head bowed down, don't look around
at the grey steel and the concrete
a man has never known a colder home
with fifty cents for burgundy a paper bag that holds a change of socks
and a bible that's too poor to hock. 
  
And I looked into his eyes; they were blue like mine, I recognized
the hollow sunken feeling like some work of art they painted
to hang upon the wall as we gathered round to praise the honesty
of one man's lonely mistery.
 
And every heart that ever broke
one man's dreams a heavy load that died
 from an overdose of on the road sits all alone. 
 
And I gave the man some money
and wished him well, as my eyes fell to his feet
the bottom of a body, wrapped up inside such ragged clothes
that i felt like a millionaire with little more, but rich  so rich in love
and no one gives a damn for him

And I hope that he finds Jesus or a bed tonight, or another drink
I'd take him home but you see now I don't live alone
and even if I did, some other reason would make me think
of the places that I must go.
 
And maybe if he got a shave and washed the blood off of his face
and changed his suit,
he'd be some use to this country, this prosperity
but he's bleeding in his soul; they haven't found a cure for that, you see,
except for maybe burgundy.

And every heart that ever broke
one man's dreams a heavy load that died
from an overdose of on the road sits all alone. 

Incredible Photo Software

If you're like me and have thousands of photos sitting around, you've got to check out this software.  It makes it incredible easy to sort through all your photos, print, edit, and post them to the web. Best of all its FREE

Coram Populo

Homo sum, et ego amo viros et feminas. Sic erat in fatis. Neutiquam erro, et dum spiro, spero. Quia inter spem et metum est Veritas.

July 13

Life has been a little rough lately. My dad and his attorney have my mom so upset that it doesn't seem to matter what I do, she either gets pissed with me, or accuses me of not caring about her situation. And I can't help but react, which just makes matters worse. Before I came up here, I thought it'd be pretty hard to adjust to living at home again and after living indepedently for 5 years, and unfortunately I wasn't completely wrong. I don't think more than a day has passed w/out us butting heads. It's becoming frustrating beyond imagination.

Just really feeling like I'm going it alone through this whole thing. My mom's too emotionally busy with her own stuff, my dad is off living in his own selfish delusional world, my good friends are either 500 miles away in San Diego or busy with their new jobs, and that doesn't really leave anyone. If it sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself, I probably am. I'll get over it, but I really hate days like this...

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world mad world

New Pictures!

Busy getting moved into my new room, but I finally got a bunch of film developed. Its all up on the website, check it out!

July 11

Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.

To put up with shit and possibly get burned, or not put up with it and possibly lose out on something good. Something to think about...

$$$

The joys of living in Palo Alto! We just got our first offer on the house, a cool $1.3M. Seems like a very good start to the bidding, hopefully go up a bit; which means that after we pay off my dad and his son of a bitch attorney, we should be able to afford to stay in the area!

Other than that, nothing too eventful lately. Just spending all my time working on the house, today its prepping, painting, and moving furniture, tomorrow its moving stuff and waxing the floors. Not too much free time, which is ok, because it seems that everyone I know is now working and too busy to hangout much. Getting a lit fed up with the dating pool up here. Seems like most people I've met seem fine until you scratch the surface, and they turn out to be damaged goods. Is it so much to ask for a little less baggage/drama?

Back to work...

Why Michael Moore is just as bad as his targets

Israel's Intifada Victory

"We will win because we must live. Our neighbours are fighting not for their lives, nor for their sovereignty, they are fighting to destroy us. We will not be destroyed. We dare not be destroyed. Therefore, the spirit of our men on the front, the spirit of our people in every home, in every city, in every village, is a spirit of a people that hates war but knows that in order to live it must win the war that has been forced upon it."
-Golda Meir, October 13, 1973
(on Israel's fight to survive against tyranny)
(Thanks Justin)

Yeah...

Aced my medieval history exam today, take that you evil professor! Went on a lunch date that worked out really well; nice end to a unlucky streak that's been going on for a bit. Got a bunch of work done on the house, looks like I'm on track for moving into my new room by the end of the week. Oh, and apparently there is Karma, go figure.

Oh, and if you're the kind of person that puts this in your profile:
Ever get the feeling you're about to make a boatload of money?
Exactly.

...Get over yourself. ;)

Happy 4th

Got to spend 4th of July with the Palo Alto crew; got in a little hiking, great BBQ (thanks Danny & Derrick), and some very cool fireworks down at Shoreline. All in all a good day.

Saw Fahrenheit 9/11 the other night. I'm not a big fan of Michael Moore, I think he over-sensationalizes everything and prays on people's emotions, but I still felt he made some good points in the movie. Given you had to dig through a lot of misleading BS, but there were some good kernels of truth. I'm still processing everything in it, but glad I saw it and didn't cop out like one of my friends.

Still working on getting moved into my new room at home. Spent the past two days cleaning, prepping, and painting. Still got some more painting and moving to do, but hopefully gonna be moved in by the end of the week. I guess I've been keeping myself so busy in part to help keep my mind off what I've left behind in San Diego; and its been working fairly well. But today, I was talking to one of my friends and got reminded of one of the hardest things I had to leave behind, and how it's affected someone I care very deeply about. It just really brought everything back up to the top; how frustrated, angry, and powerless I've felt over this move. Also how funny love can be.

Awhile back I was "seeing" someone, but things didn't work out. I tried to be logical and make a clean break of things, but then they showed themself to be a good friend and my heart stepped in and told me I couldn't just throw this person away. We've since become good friends, and I've come to care very deeply about them as a friend. And yet, even though I know I'm powerless on my end for things to work out, I keep catching myself falling for this person. If I'm happy or find something cool I want to share it with them, if I'm not sure about something, I want to ask them, if I'm sad I want to go to them for comfort, if I have free time, I want to be them. Damned attractive, fun personality (only slightly annoying sometimes), big heart, and a great mind to boot; what more could one want? But then I catch myself, and feel like I need to do something to pull myself back from that, before I get stupid and waste energy mulling over something I can't change. It tears me up a little each time, feeling like there's always going to be that in our friendship, but knowing I would be a damned unhappy ungrateful fool to walk away from our friendship. And of course just to make things harder, we're now 500 miles apart. I don't know, maybe being apart for such a long time will allow me to get over them, but I suspect it will be just the same when I get back unless something major happens between now and then. What I do know is that I miss them terribly...

In the Beginning

So I finally decided to start my own blog. Don't know how far I'll go with it, but hey its worth giving a shot. A lot has been going on the past few weeks, so bear with me if I ramble.

Right after Graduation two weeks ago, I began the process of moving my life from San Diego back to Palo Alto. Its been a rough move to say the least. For one, I didn't really have a choice in the matter, as my dad is forcing my mom to sell our house and she needs my help, and secondly, while I love my mother very dearly, we don't exactly have the most compatiable personalities. We keep having our clashes, but I feel like things are at least starting to settle down, and I'm getting used to living in Northern California again.

Last week I was able to head down to San Diego for a few days, to pack up the rest of my stuff and relax a little. Got to spend a little time with Rachel, a couple of my fraternity brothers, and my friend Brian.

As he was heading up this way anyway, Brian ended up catching a ride with me back up to the Bay Area on Friday, which was a really pleasant relief from doing that long haul alone. I can't say I've ever been so entertained on so long a drive. (Note to self for future roadtrips)
Saturday morning I met up with Brian and his roommates to head up to SF for Pride. As soon as we got off the BART at Civic Center, it was like WHAM!...Pride flags everywhere, queens as far as the eye could see, and more leather than you could shake a stick at. In other words it was a Gay Wonderland. Other than the sights, not much was going on during the day, so we headed back home for a breather in the afternoon, then drove back Saturday night expecting to pay a $20 cover at some half decent bar. We get to the Castro to find a 50,000 person street party with a $2 cover. Not only that, but I think it has to have been one of the best parties I've ever been too. We must have spent half the night just staring at all the eye candy. We headed back around 3am, only to head back at 8am for the Parade. Honestly, I was expecting a bunch of marching activists, a bunch of freaks that always come out of the woodwork in SF, and a few decent floats. To make a long description short, what we got was much much more. Incredible floats, 5000 proud married gay couples, more drag queens than I've ever seen in my life, dykes on bikes, mardi gras dancers, the Mayor, etc etc.

Sunday evening we all parted company, Brian and his roommates heading back to San Diego, me back to working on packing up our house in Palo Alto. Kind of a tough goodbye for me, because who knows when I'll see them again, but it was definately a great weekend.

That's pretty much it for now. I'm sure I've forgotten something and will just post it later. Anyway, to bed.