Back in SD

Life's been a bit crazy the past week. Back in San Diego now, started to get settled back into a school schedule. Found a place to live in Mira Mesa and moving next weekend; the roommates seem pretty cool, rent is reasonable, and did I mention the 50" HDTV Plasma TV? Justin and his mom have been awesome, they're letting me stay with them till I'm able to move into my new place; its made coming back down a lot less stressful, and I couldn't be more grateful of having such a good friend.

Really feeling like I'm in a transitory period in my life right now. Things that used to make up such a large part of my life seem less critical now, a lot of friendships seem to be shifting both ways, and I'm not really fighting it and I don't know why. I've been feeling relatively indifferent about my involvement in Jewish spirtuality, but have become more empassioned about my cultural identity and politics; perhaps my identity in general. Overlaying it all, I think..and hope, the Kevin people see and know, is starting to better reflect who I actually am. That may not make much sense, but for a long time I've felt to some degree that the person I present to the world lost something in the translation from who I think I am. I'll leave it at that, or it'll just become more confusing. If you're really curious, just ask me, much easier to explain than try to write down.

Hopefully I can get through this without too many things and people I care about getting left in the dust; but then as H.H. Riley said, All good things must come to an end.

Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget
falls drop by drop upon the heart,
until in our own despair, against our will,
comes wisdom through the awful grace of God.
-Aeschylus via Robert F. Kennedy

Refreshing Article

Arab News . Com:

A Wake-up Call : Almost all terrorists are Muslims..
http://www.arabnews.com/9-11/?article=32&part=2

Stressful Week

So its been a really stressful week, and its still only late Tuesday night. I feel like I've been running around everywhere helping my mom get a loan so we can keep our house awhile longer. I hate government beauracracy more than ever, as well as the ego driven games many attorneys like to play. Yeah, yeah; bitch, bitch, moan, moan.

On the upside I've really been able to relax the past 2 nights; first driving around with Matt discussing all matters of world & domestic politics, relevant and irrelevant; and tonight heading up to SF to hang out with Allan. Picked him up and headed out to a cool lounge in the Mission called the Lone Palm, very chill location and good beer, then crashed back at the apartment to watch Silence of the Lambs.

Gotta head to Santa Cruz in the morning AGAIN to pick up more documents from the courthouse, so its off to bed. TTFN.

Lessons & Plans

This summer has been a definate learning experience. Not that I've necessarily learned anything particularly new, but more that things I've suspected as being true have solidified themselves in my mind through personal experience and watching my friends.

1. THE best kind of family is one that you can visit as often as you want, the keyword being *visit*, not live with. They say, in absence the heart grows fonder. At this stage in my life, I couldn't agree more. I love what family members I have left dearly, but I need to be able to distance myself to further develop my own identity.

2. WHILE it can be rewarding and eye-opening to spend the energy to meet and befriend people in walks of life far different from your own, be they different ages, cultures, or backgrounds, don't attempt a more serious relationship with said people without acknowledging and accepting potential boundaries. I don't mean to be pessimistic in saying this, but without an understanding that bridges the gap, no serious relationship can survive.

3. IF you look for love too hard, you'll never find it. You'll either set your expectations too high and miss out on a potentially great thing, or become frustrated and set your expectations too low, compromising your own self-worth and setting yourself up for disappointment. This doesn't mean you shouldn't actively search for potential mates if you're ready for one, but do so with an open mind, not imposing self-conceptions and hopes on another person.

4.
Love, in all its fragile forms, is the one powerful, enduring force that brings real meaning
to our everday lives...but the love i mean is the fire that burns inside us all, the inner warmth
that prevents our soul from freezing in the winters of despair.
--Bradley Trevor Grieve, "The Meaning of Life"

SOMETIMES, especially in our modern detached society, people feel a deep need to be reassured of their membership in the human family; a need to have their cares and troubles drowned away in unadulterated love, if only for a fleeting moment. I'm not speaking of the love you feel for another in a relationship, as great as that may be. But the unjudgemental love that comes along with being a member of the human race, the love that gives us solace in this big scary universe. Don't question it. Don't try to impose archaic moral constructs on it. It is as it is. I think Sophocles hit it right on the nail when he said, "One word frees us of all the weight and pain in life. That word is love."


With that said, I'm getting to head back to San Diego for my last quarter at UCSD. I'm kind of playing it as I go, as I still don't have a place to live nor am I sure how I'm going to pay for it, but that's the way it goes. I'm looking forward to seeing my friends again, but its kind of bittersweet knowing I will be leaving again in 3 months. I feel torn between my two homes. I have people in San Diego I care deeply about and don't want to leave, but after a lot of soul searching I feel for the time being, at least, my place right now is up here in the Bay Area. After I move back up here in December, I'm planning on getting a job and helping my mom move. As soon as that is done, I've gotten it into my head to try and move up to San Francisco. Some people think this is slightly crazy, but I've lived in the 'Burbs my entire life and I would really like to try something different. At this point in my life, I think SF has a lot more to offer me than where I am now. It is a major cultural hub, a bustling lively city, near the ocean (which I've missed ever since I left SD), and possesses an easily accessible community where I can feel at home. Even if I don't end up liking it, at least I can say I TRIED.